"Sister"

Today my sister leaves Fresno to start a whole new journey in life. Actually, she's going to a horse show over the weekend, and then heading on to Santa Rosa, but either way she is leaving Fresno. It was hard watching her drive away yesterday knowing that she was going to just be a short drive across town anymore. Although, I'm super excited for her!! She graduated with her degree in Chemistry from Fresno State this year, and starts a 4 month internship as a wine chemist at St. Francis winery. Lucky for her, it's only a short drive from my parents house, so she'll have a place to stay until she finds a more permanent position. I think it's great that she'll start her new adventure with some familiarity. Although, selfishly I am sad to see her go. I'm sad that I won't be able to just call her to hang out. I know that I will still be able to talk to her, and I'll see her, but it's still different. Anyways, I'm cheering her on and wishing her lots of success!

Just a thought

Watching my lil man grow has been such a blessing. Although, I'm ready for it to stop now. This weekend I noticed his head is above the couch arm when he is standing, he can now reach for the tops of tables (but not yet getting anything) and he's ready to stand independantly. It's crazy because when I look at how much I have not blogged I realize how quickly he went from my small baby, to an almost toddler. He is so fun and loving! His laugh is contagious, his smile fills my heart with joy, even his cry can make me laugh! I say this because he doesn't cry often and when he does it's usually becuase he's over tired and just won't sleep. You can't help but laugh at the I'm tired so I'm going to just be cranky cry. Why? Not to sure. All I can say is I love being a mama! I love my life.

Today has been a crazy day! I was reminded that I have a blog, and should use it more, and I agree..but really have such little time on the computer, and the time I do have I am either doing work, or playing on facebook. I sometimes just assume that my picture uploads are enough, but today I was reminded that pictures aren't enough. I was reminded that keeping people up to date on what is happening is sometimes important. I don't call people as much, but not because I don't care, but because time just gets away from me. I have friends that are very dear to my heart, and I really only talk to them a few times a year, and maybe only see them once or twice. Yet, they know I care, and my life wouldn't be the same with out them. So, for friends like Nicole know that I love you, and I think about you, and I value our friendship even though I'm not invovled all of the time.

Today I realized that a long time friendship is over. It's kinda strange to me becuase I have shared so many intimate details of my life with this person. I have friends that I have drifed away from, and she is one of the them, but at the same time she fell in the category above. Kinda, we actually talked way more then a few times a year, but that is besides the point. I write this because it's such a weird thing for me. There is this part of me that feels like someone has died. How do you just stop being friends...acuaintances even. Really? Do you just delete on their phone numbers, e-mails, etc. How sad is that? "I just delete you." Then there have been times when I have felt this friendship was completely unhealthy, but I am also a strong believer that all relationships evolve. As this person and I "grew apart" I had come to terms that she would be someone I talked to every now and then. She would still be someone I went to visit, and she for certain be on the top 10 people to call when our family grew, or when there was a new stepping stone in my life. She would be always be someone I would have been there for in an emergency. So, it's weird to think that poof...we just hit "delete." Four years ago we had one of our falling outs over how much I valued our friendship. She felt as though I didn't have as much invested as she did. It was always strange to me that decisions I had made always seemed to be a black cloud over us. Yet, today, those decisions were confirmed. I had just as much invested in our friendship, but there was more to consider. I can clearly say I have made the correct decisions. Anwyas, enough ambiguity. I don't want to call this person out over a blog. As a matter of fact if she ever read this blog I wouldn't be posting it. She's never been one to read my blog, even when I did post often. So, this is more of a place for me to somewhat vent, and write out my feelings. Also, I wanted to share with others that real friendships and relations evolve into whatever they may be. I'm just not sure how I feel about being "dumped."

So to my friends and family out there who like to share in my life. I get busy, life changes, but what is my heart remains.

The fault of Facebook!

Okay, it's been awhile, and I'd like to blame it on Facebook! It has somewhat taken over my small amount of time to blog, and it's so easy. However, some of you have informed that it's not an excuse, so here I am. Not to mention I found away to link my blog to facebook!! :)



Clayton is almost 4 months old and just getting big! He is starting to sleep better, but still very unpredicatable. We've made it though his first cold, but since I now have a cold I am assuming we'll end up with a second one. He's full of giggles and coos, and enjoys playing with his little toys. It's been fun watching him develop his little personality! We're getting ready to give him his first taste of rice cereal next week! So that is all I have time for now, but I promise I will try to get better!

All Smiles!

This weekend Clayton turned 10 weeks old! The time is flying, and yet it seems like he's been here for so long. Life for me, seems a little more perfect every day. Sure there are nights when he wakes up every two hours, or days I just want to get out, and there all the baby worries, but for really...I just feel like God gives me a new gift every day!

He's growing!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Thank God!

Sunday we went to church for the first time with Clayton. I bring this up because the service was very touching. It made me think back to last year and how "bitter" I was. The service really talked about all the things I wish I would have heard last year. Basically, Jareds message was called "Troubled Hearts." If you are feeling down about something I encourage you to listen to the feed. It's strange beacuse last year I didn't want to go church. I felt like everytime we went the message was about family, I was surrounded by pregnant women, and I every service turned into me bartering with God. IF ONLY, and "why not me?" So, now I wonder about just how much I didn't listen. So this year I sat and realized there is nothing I feel troubled about, and I thank God every day for that. I write this because there is so much I learned through the troubled times, but that doesn't mean that it made it any easier.

In just a year, I went from confused, hurt, frusterated, and in some cases alone (even thought I am happily married to a wonderful man) to being complete fullfilled, exhausted, tankful, and delighted. I learned that God has a plan that I will never completely understand. I realized that I have control over very little in my life. Pregnancy taught me (or tired to teach me) patience, and selflessness. Motherhood has taught me more of the same. As much as I would love to control the situation, I know that I can't and the harder I try the less control I have.

So I this year, my Thanksgiving isn't just on Thursday. I'm giving thanks every day. Every day I am thankful for God's love, His plan, and the work he has done on my heart!

I'd like to thank my friends who were there to listen through the bad times, and those who rejoiced with me in the good times. I'm thankful that I have family that loves my son and wants to be with him. I'm thankful for those who have guided me in the first few weeks of motherhood, and those who are going to continue being a support system. I'd like to thank my husband for being who he his. For riding the rollercoaster with me, for showing me sanity when I felt insane. (Even if I didn't want to hear it, or see it!)

It's amazing what God has done in our lives. I couldn't have prayed for a better husband, a more precious child, or a better life.